It was a summer day when I met her in a parking lot behind our local library. She was young, maybe 23. Not a small woman. Her face and body were big and round. She wore a black beaded T-shirt with a fierce lion on it and really tight jeans. Her shoes sparkled! Those high heels towered above me. Her name was Tiana. She was tall and looked Hispanic or African American. She had wild orange hair. Her looks didn’t give me any clues about her heritage. My name was Nina, I’m a tutor. We were very different looking. “Who is this gal,” was my first thought.Tiana did not look like the people I usually see in my town. She looked sort of “ghetto.” The dictionary says the word ghetto means a part of a city where members of a minority live together, due to social, legal, or economic pressure. Ghetto means to me falling on hard times. People use ghetto as slang, so the word can mean different things to different people.
When we don’t know much about a person, we sometimes judge them wrongfully. We may use labels and have false impressions. When I first met Tiana, I had wrong assumptions about her. This is called stereotyping.
Tiana’s two kids were leaning on an old, yellow car at the library. The car had dents and rusting paint. Tiana called the car “Goldie.” Goldie was their traveling home and they parked it under a bridge near train tracks. Goldie was a dirty car.
When I peeked inside the seats were piled high with food and clothing. Was it everything Tiana and her kids owned? The miles on Goldie read 172,000. By the looks of Tiana, her kids and this car, they had traveled many miles. I guessed they had many stories to tell and wondered what had brought this different family to my small town.
I stuck out my hand and said, “Hello, I’m Nina.”
She said quietly, “Hi.”
Tiana had the sweetest smile and big hands. They were warm and strong.
“Thanks for meeting me at the library,” she said. “This is Jasper and Cassandra, my kids.
Her children were dark skinned. Their clothes were ragged, but they wore new red sneakers--Converse I thought. “Hello,” they said softly. They did not make eye contact with me.
They were both watching all the moms and dads and kids walking into the library.
I knew these people would curl up on comfy sofas and read together. Many moms and dads read to their children, but I had a feeling that Tiana and her kids had never been read to.
When you read to a child, it is a way to express love and time well spent. Reading can bring about a love of adventure, too. Have you ever heard the expression, “lost in a book?” I wish more people would get lost in a book, rather than their cell phones or video games. Tiana was holding her cell phone the whole time we were in the parking lot.
A group of teens were smoking across the street in a cemetery. Tiana’s son, Jasper, watched them.
I wondered if Jasper smoked. Lots of teens try cigarettes, even though they know how bad they are for your health. Later, I found out that Tiana smoked, but encouraged her kids not to. I wish parents followed their own advice.
I had lots of questions for Tiana. Where did they live? Where did the kids go to school? Did they have friends? Why couldn’t Tiana read well?
So, our tutoring sessions began in the library with this unusual friend, a girl from the ghetto who I misjudged. The girl who taught me a lot about life, strength and overcoming hard times.
Chapter 2 - Train Tracks
When you live in a hot train, an air-conditioned library can feel good. Tiana could not read, but she still took her kids to the library. I admired her for making that choice!
Tiana told me that she needed my help. “I can’t get a decent job or help my kids with homework,” she said. “People make me feel dumb and I’m tired of it.” My heart ached. I wanted to help Tiana.
We walked in the library and I said, “Let’s make a plan. We’ll start with a list of goals and then we will work toward them in small steps.” Tiana smiled. That day she made her first list:
1) Set aside two hours each week to read.
2) Try to read newspapers.
3) Get help with job application forms.
4) Practice sounding out words.
“Will Jasper and Cassandra help you to learn to read better?” I asked Tiana.
“Yes,” she said. “But sometimes they say things to hurt me, like I’m dumb because I cannot read. I’ve been bullied all my life. Growing up, people said mean things about me because I could not read.” I don’t know why people bully others. Is it because they lack confidence? Tears welled in Tiana’s eyes. She had courage but little to show for it—just Goldie, her beautiful children and a hard life. My respect for this young mother grew because she wanted to read to better herself.
And she was taking the necessary steps to do it. That is a very powerful thing to do. Many people think about taking action, but don’t make a plan and follow through.
When a person pushes past their fear to dare to do something new, they grow and get better results.
I could see that the kids loved her and respected her. She wanted them to be proud of her. She was determined to push through her fears and needed someone-- to believe in her -- maybe it was me?
Chapter Questions:
1) How do you start to make a plan?
2) Why do you think some people bully others?
3) What can you do if someone bullies you?
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